One day at my workplace, one of my colleagues cried, like she literally cried, and she just couldn’t stop crying. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop!
No, not because of any work-related stress, not even because of the work environment. She cried because she was going through something in her personal life and she was finding it difficult to handle everything by herself without anyone to rely on. Her colleagues were almost like family to her. She even celebrated her birthday with them. She used to say that she hated celebrating her birthday but still did it with them. It seemed like they were some of the important people in her life and they mattered, so I guess she found it easy to cry there instead of at home. One of our colleagues started saying, “Hey, why are you crying? You are a brave person. Why are you crying like a baby?” In my head, I was like, “What’s wrong with you? She needs this vent.” I wonder how she felt after hearing that, but it definitely made me feel irritated. People say insensitive stuff when they don’t know what to say or how to react, or when they are afraid of that emotion themselves. Let me tell you the backstory of this person: she is a super independent person, barely asks for help, and always comes across as a strong person. Looking at her crying, it was difficult for all of us to handle or cope with, or even accept it. It was unexpected, and to top it, she is a psychologist, so how she couldn’t manage her emotions was the question in everyone’s mind. But we always forget psychologists are human too, humans who at times get overwhelmed with things.
Later, we found out that she was diagnosed with something none of us even understood or ever heard about. I am sure it must have been scary for her to know that she has a disorder that is difficult to comprehend with no clarity about recovery. Somehow, the doctors were just confusing her more instead of giving a clear-cut solution. On top of all this, she was struggling financially, taking care of her family and kids.
Crying is a vent; please let’s normalize crying! I hope someday we consider people brave even if they cry. Most of the people around me grew up in families where crying is considered a sign of weakness, so everyone just pretends to be strong. But sometimes you just need a good cry, and you will feel better! So many of my clients say, “I feel sad, but I don’t know how to cry;” the ingrained negative association is strongly wired in our brain. It’s unfair how our culture allows you to cry for certain things and not for others.
If only we could cry when we feel like it? If only we let ourselves vent through crying and not pretend otherwise? Imagine every time you are hurt, you cry like a baby and let it go instead of storing all that hurt.
When someone cries in front of you, please don’t say:
- “It’s okay” (because whatever the person is going through is not okay)
- “Be brave” (crying, letting yourself be vulnerable in front of another being is an act of bravery)
- “Don’t act like a baby” (all humans feel all emotions throughout the lifespan)
- “Please don’t call others and show that he/she is crying”
What to do instead:
- Hold their hand or hug them or just be with them (whatever the other person is comfortable with)
- Offer water and ask if they want to talk about it.
- Sit with them, mostly let them be!
